as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Someone shit on the floor
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
