Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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