Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
