I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
