I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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