Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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