i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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