If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
