Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
