I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
