i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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