I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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