The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
