either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
