I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
