At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
