Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This girl is more easily done than said...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
