So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
