apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
