yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
