Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
