Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize