Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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