mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
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At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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