Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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