I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
