Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
