don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Drake has all the answers
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
