You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
