I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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