Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
