Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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