I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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