If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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