so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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