I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
