I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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