I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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