she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
