The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
