yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
