Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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