I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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