someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could make wine with my vomit
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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