She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
