nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
