Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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