Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
