I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Did I show you my penis last night?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
