Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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