yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
