you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize