Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
