its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
