You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize