if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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