I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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