Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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