Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
