Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have fence marks all over my body
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
