I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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