i love accidental penises.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize