I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
