Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
