And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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