i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
