my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
