I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
