Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
