I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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