At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
