He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
