I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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