meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
