So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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