We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think your dad took our porno
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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