I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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