It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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