why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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