If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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