Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
