ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
