Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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