ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
