how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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