i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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