I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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